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A Guest Post about Those Pesky Plans

Plans. You’ve heard of them, right? They’re those things that you spend a lot of time and brainpower on, and they never seem to work out the way they’re supposed to.
This week’s guest post is from Deanna, a blogger-friend I’ve never actually met in real life (I’m sure we will, one of these days). Deanna, a former radio-announcer and current mom of three, wrote a spectacular piece of guest-post-gold for the blog, leaving me without much need for an intro.

Let’s just jump right in, shall we?

If everything would have worked out, I’d be living in New York City, married to Chris Cornell from Soundgarden and showing up every day to host my video show on MTV. But we all know how that worked out. MTV doesn’t even show videos anymore.

But that was the plan for my life. I was in college working at the college radio station and I had big dreams. Plans for my future. I was going to get a radio job at a rock station right out of school in a mid-sized market. Work there for a year or so and then market-jump my way up to the big time. I knew I’d want to get married and have kids, but I thought I’d wait for that until after I had made it big.

Well the first offer came to work in Fargo, ND at an Adult Contemporary station (think Michael Bolton and Whitney Houston, a big jump from Pearl Jam and Nirvana). Not exactly mid-sized, but not Podunk either. I packed up my Jeep Comanche pick-up and headed off to do the 6-midnight shift. Then, they decided to switch formats. I got bumped to do overnights (and $12,000 a year. Yes, that was chicken scratch even in 1994.) But I was happy I still had a job and a lot to learn.

I fell in love, moved around, got married, quit a few jobs and got fired from one too. I had one baby and then another and then another. (Because it doesn’t seem so crazy to get pregnant again and again until they start walking.Then it’s nuts.) I’ve since gotten out of radio, because the gypsy life of a radio announcer does not jibe well with the lives of three growing children. And I’m also now looking at life as a single mom, because plans for the marriage didn’t work out the way they were supposed to either.

With every change, I’d develop a new plan only to have each plan blow up in my face. Well, not so much as blow up in my face, as slowly dissipate like a puff of effervescent pixie dust. Aromatic (like baby powder and lilacs), but nothing you could ever hold on to. I guess maybe it’s my fault because I kept putting my Life-Plan on the back burner in order to work on the Day-Plan. Or the Morning-Plan. Or the next 10-Minute-Plan. Poof.

Raising three kids, working a full-time job, running a part-time business out of my home, and volunteering cannot happen without successful time management. I’ve got a calendar planner that I carry around with me everywhere. I’ve got the dry erase wall calendar hung up on the corkboard in the kitchen with color-coded markers. I have my electronic calendar at work to keep track of all of my important happenings there. I am a master list-maker; “To Dos” “Happenings” “Grocery” “Errands”. I lay out the exact happenings for each day, down to the quarter hour. Who’s got to be where and when. What we need to bring. Locations and telephone numbers and drive times and the best order in which to do everything to maximize efficacy, reduce commute time and save gas.

But it never fails; something always throws a wrench into my plans. We run low on gas on the way to an appointment. We go to the wrong field for baseball practice. We get to the grocery store and my daughter forgets her shoes. (That one has happened more times than I can count.) The color-coded markers have all been used to tattoo stuffed animals.

I have decided that we do indeed need to make plans. It is impossible to function in life without them. To see the future, where you would like to be and to lay out the steps you need to take in order to get there. Plans are good. Plans are important. Plans are essential. Just remember when you make your plans, to use a pencil. With a big eraser. Or buy extra dry erase markers, just in case.

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A Guest Post about Stepping Into New Surroundings

Hey, everybody! I’m really excited to have a lot of good guest posts lined up for the coming weeks, and I’m going to kick them off with one from Deb. Deb is adelightful blogger I met in Lincoln via the social media scene (Lincoln totally has a social media scene, by the way) and I wish I would have met her sooner. As it turns out, both of us ended up moving away from Lincoln, and have found ourselves adjusting to life in a new city…and we’ve both realized that you’ve simply got to just Step In to your new surroundings if you want to enjoy them. This, of course, breeds fodder for a perfect guest post…so grab a cuppa of whatever you please, enjoy the post, and please leave some comments for Deb!

Shortly after we found out we were moving to Minnesota, we took a road trip up north to look for houses. One of the first houses we pulled up to had wood siding falling off the front of the garage and shingles peeling off the roof so bad that you could almost see the attic. I convinced myself it was okay because I wasn’t a fan of yellow siding, so it would have to be fixed anyways. Besides, it might be dreamy inside. Maybe the house had a stunning entryway with a spiral staircase or a master bedroom that was so phenomenal that I would never want to leave it’s awesomeness! Then a mouse came out to greet us as the Realtor was attempting to open the lock box. I looked at the Realtor and said, “We have to go. This isn’t the house for us.” The next house and the house after that weren’t much better. It was a defeating day and it left my husband and I wondering what the heck we had done.

We had a pair of Realtors working with us and we were pretty sure they were life partners as well as business partners. I was so happy to have a distraction the entire time we were house hunting with them.

“Do you think they’re more than business partners? They do share a car after all,” I would ask my husband.

My husband would say, “What did you think of that red house? Do you think 3 bedrooms is enough? And what do you think about that yard?”

I’d say, “And they live downtown. In a condo. Doesn’t that say something?”

It was perfect for me and kept my mind off the ugly red 3 bedroom house with a pitiful yard. The second day of our house hunting trip, we took our Realtors to no land they’d ever seen before. We took them 30 minutes southwest of the city to a small town called Waconia. We entered the city and were immediately in love. Our Realtors thought we were crazy— who lives outside the city?! Peshaw! (See I told you there was something there…) Waconia has a huge lake and tons of character. It’s like a town you’d see on a movie. Kind of like Desperate Housewives, but without all the drama. It’s cute and perfect. And it has a Target to boot. That’s when I was sold.

We found our cute 3 bedroom home with a nice yard and with a fully intact roof and siding. We put in an offer and all was well. Then we realized that the easiest part of our moving adventure was over. We still had to spend 6 weeks apart… which meant I had to be a single parent to a 4 month old and 3 year old boys (and a crazy dog too). That was the hardest part of the entire process and I remember driving over the weekend with the boys to come see my husband just so I could get a full night’s rest and a couple hours with down time. It was so exhausting.

Fast forward to the move. We moved at the perfect time… April. The snow was melting and the weather was beautiful. We’ve been outside ever since we moved. I know the winters are rough here so I’ve been absorbing as much Vitamin D as possible. Shortly after we moved and the “honeymoon” was over, I was sad. I missed my family, friends and the wonderful community of Lincoln, Nebraska. Like Lauren’s husband, my husband is busy. He is working more than full time and going to school for his MBA. Most weeks we are lucky if we see him a couple nights a week. Life was really lonely for awhile and I knew I had to get out and meet people. After all, I wanted to treat Minnesota as my new home. When I lived in Lincoln, I had friends with husbands that attended law school and sometimes they would have the “we’ll only be here three years” so what’s the point of getting to know anyone or figuring Lincoln out? It drove me completely nuts. I so wished they’d explore what Lincoln had to offer and give it a chance. So that’s exactly what I’ve done in little old Waconia. I have no idea how long we’ll be here—- 3 years… 5 years, or maybe forever. Who knows. It’s a small city, but I’ve definitely fallen in love.

The move forced me to downsize my overly active lifestyle and figure out the importance of motherhood. Duh, right?! I’ve know motherhood was important all along, but I always wanted an escape. An escape from the 2 year old throwing tantrums, an escape from a nursing baby, an escape from cooking a meal no one would eat. So I started filling my life with little escapes and before you knew it, I had over-filled my plate. So the move has forced a much needed clearing of my plate and my mission is to keep it that way. I’ve realized that there are seasons to motherhood. Rough patches, patches of bliss where you don’t want to miss a moment, and patches of in between. The rough patches don’t last forever, even if it sometimes feel like they do. I want to be present as a mother and not filling my life with little escapes. I do, however, still want a little escape, so I’ve met a lot of different friends through working out, church and walking our neighborhood religiously. It’s amazing how many people you can meet tagging along two kids and a dog. I’m hoping the winter won’t be so bad and we’ll have plenty of play dates in the snow.

The only thing I can’t figure out is grocery shopping around here. Everything is so expensive and I have to use the ads to shop. By that I mean you physically have to cut out the grocery store coupons. I thought that was so 10 years ago, but apparently they like slowing me down at the checkout with 2 screaming kids. Who knows…I guess if that’s the least of my problems I have it pretty good.

What about you? Have you had to move? How did you adjust?

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Finding a New Living Room

This picture really has nothing to do with today’s post…I just wanted to show off Charlie’s mad stacking skills. Do you see the concentration? Maybe I’ve got a budding architect on my hands…who will grow someday into a wildly rich and famous man…who will keep his mommy and daddy in steady supply of fancy coffee and expensive frisbees for the rest of our days…on our own, personal tropical island.

Anyway, on with the post.

After I became a mom, I became somewhat of a hermit.

I don’t know if this happens to other moms, or if it was just my particular situation…either way, I got pretty lazy in the social department.
It’s just so much easier to stay home and talk to the people you talk to every day. You don’t have to put any effort into trying to get to know someone new…you don’t have to wonder what they’re thinking and if they like you…and you already know all the little things that they like or find offensive.

I’m not saying it’s the right way to live…it’s just easier.

With this move to Omaha, it was pretty tempting to stay isolated…and I did, for the first couple of weeks. I’m very nervous about driving in big towns, and Omaha’s big enough to scare me inside. After a Charlie appointment in which I had to just suck it up and drive, however, I started to feel a little better about it.
I’ve got friends here, but only a couple of them are home during the daytime..and I can’t hang out with them every single day.

So I branched out. I kind of can’t believe I did it, but I did. I got on Momaha.com and organized a blogging group…filled with women I’ve never even met. Our first meeting is this Thursday, and I’ll admit, I’m totally nervous about it.
I’ve started having coffee with someone who’s an extended part of my family, and realizing I’ve got a lot in common with her.
I met a new mom through Momaha, and we’ve actually met for a playdate…and are hopefully meeting up for another one next week. She’s actually got a blog, too.

So, from simply taking a few social jumps, I’ve found a potentially huge source of friendship and support, as well as a fellow mom to talk about parenting, blogging, and having degrees in the Arts.

I’ve even actually been going out for drinks on Thursdays with my husband’s cousin…who I don’t really even think of as “my husband’s cousin” anymore. She’s my friend.

This post isn’t terribly eventful, but I’ve noticed I’ve been doing a little more blog-ranting than is normal. Paul being in school again is stressful, and it’s easy to focus on what is frustrating me. It’s a little more difficult (for some ridiculous reason) to stop and count my blessings…and this is a big one:

In all of the chaos, I’m actually discovering a little balance.

My social life is a part of me that I’ve been neglecting…out of laziness. “Having a kid” wasn’t a very good excuse, either. There are plenty of moms out there who would love to sit in a living room, drink coffee, and do nothing more than chat while their kids play. I just needed to get off my butt and find a new living room.

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A List of Little (and a few big) Things

It’s been a hell of a week.

Paul started school on Monday, and the Bonk family has gotten a rude awakening from their togetherness-filled slumber. Paul and I both have come to some realizations, and they all involve hard work, actual effort, and whole lot of sucking-it-up.

Since my mind has been on overdrive, I’ve had a jumble of blogging ideas bouncing around my head all week. Considering the barren wasteland my brain has been lately, this is a good thing…I just haven’t been able to get myself to sit down and write.

This post will be short, and it will be sweet.

Instead of forcing these ideas into existence, I think it’s time to make a list. I’ve been a stressy, scatterbrained, emotional blender this week, and I need to remind myself of all the things I’ve got that are simply spectacular.

These are some facts about my life. These are things that are awesome:

-Fall is coming. Fall is coming. Fall is coming.
-Paul is going to back to school. It’s going to be tough for all of us, and we’re going to be better for it.
-My dad gave me his old coffee grinder. It’s pretty sweet.
-I’ve got big decorating plans, and I will stick to them.
-We’ve got a counter full of vegetables from family members’ gardens.
–Doctor Who is on Netflix. It took me couple episodes, and now I can’t stop.
-Our apartment has been mostly clean for almost two weeks. This is huge.
-We’re going to get honey from my dad’s hives next week.
-I got a new CD in the mail, and I thoroughly enjoy it.
-Charlie has started to whisper, “What’s that!?”
-I’ve got an awesome group of friends who understand that time is scarce, and love me anyway.
-I’ve got Charlie and Paul, and there isn’t much that’s better than that.

And, finally:
–Bones premiers this week with a two-hour episode. Holy bacon bits.

How are you guys doing? Do you need to make a list? Do it in the comments, and feel better about your day!

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A Guest Post About a Whole Lotta Love

This last weekend was filled with old friends, dueling pianos, and even some time onstage. It, unfortunately, was not filled with blogging. Luckily, it’s Monday, and that means I’ve got a guest post for you!
This one is from Rutheah, a fellow blogger with a beautiful family and a kitchen you would skip three months of dessert for. I will warn you, it’s a mushy one…and I’m more than okay with that. One of the symptoms of Mommyhood is an abundance of love…and sometimes you’ve just got to let it all out.
Also, let me say that I’m not pregnant. Having more than one kid, however, is in our plans, and sometimes I wonder how I could possibly love another one as much as I love Charlie. Rutheah did a great job of clearing things up for me.
Also, she doesn’t believe in capitalization; it’s just her style. 🙂

being a mommy is great. you always have something to cuddle with, play with, love on and dress up. you get to take care of something that will love you unconditionally. that’s the best; babies don’t care if you put on make up or if your hair is a frizzy mess and your tummy pooches over your jeans when you sit down, they just love you for being their momma. and there’s nothing like the love connection you make with your first baby. everything is so new and exciting. you giggle over every little burp and fart and hush every whimper. we had a very detailed baby book with our first…we chronicled everything, his growth, his teeth, his firsts. the bond we had was and still is strong and true. it’s kind of magical.

then comes the second baby. 🙂 i was nervous that the love in my heart had already been consumed by my son, i didn’t know if i could possibly love another baby as much as i did him. i remember being so nervous about that when i was pregnant the second time. would we have the same strong and true bond? would she need me like i need her? will my heart nearly burst when i see her? of course i knew that i’d love my daughter regardless…but i was so nervous i used up all my motherly love on my son and that she would just get the leftovers. that was my biggest fear from the moment we found out we were having another baby.

then she was born. and oh, the love flowed. the love flowed deep and pure and strong. as soon as i held her to my chest and we looked into each other’s eyes, i was amazed that i could love both equally. it’s different, but the same. my heart was oozing with love. it wasn’t that i would have to split love between the two of them, or that my daughter would only get the leftovers. the love literally doubles and it overflows into a gooey, delicious love that you get lost inside of…until you fast forward to 7 months later and you get hit with a dose of reality. like when you find out you’re unexpectedly pregnant for a third time when your “new” baby is only 7 months old and your husband is about to deploy to iraq and you’re neck deep into a kitchen remodel. oh yes…that happened.

my set of worries is totally different now. but i know i can handle it. that deep and true love i’ve got in my heart can get me through anything. us mommas are resilient and strong. and i’m so thankful that i will soon have three little munchkins to love on. and we will once again, get lost inside our crazy love bubble.

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A Guest Post on Park Ettiquette

Variety is the spice of life, right? Well in the spirit of spicey variety, I’m introducing the ‘Monday Guest Post Blogger Explosion,’ in which I feature a post every Monday from one of my rock-your-face-off co-bloggers. We’re kicking off this explosion with a post from Meghann Chapman, a dandelion-wishing, hair-styling sorceress, who blogs whimsically and rules benevolently over the Land of Little Girls in the mystical land of Kentucky. Playing with other kids is becoming increasingly more prevalent in our lives, and this kind of stresses me out. I asked Meghann to share her experiences with her beautiful daughter (yes, that’s her in the picture) Lillie, and how she handled them.

Raising a child that loves the outdoors is wonderful. Lilie has absolutely no problem staying outside from the moment her breakfast bowl is empty ‘til the fireflies start to dance (minus a nap).

We mostly just hang out in the backyard and the garage, but several times a week, we venture over to a near by park. I’ve never really been crazy about the big city parks that stay full of kids. So, this quiet, little neighborhood park is perfect.

Our park stays mostly calm. The kids seem to be friendly—most of the time. The parents seem to be attentive, instead of letting their creatures run wild. And it just never gets very crowded.

One thing I’ve noticed, about small parks and crowded parks, is that there is always a general etiquette to follow.

I’ve read a few magazine articles over the years and have done a little research on the matter. There is a lot of advice out there. So, instead of trying to pick out all the “important stuff” and put it all together in one big repeated mess, I’m just going to share my personal experience. I figured if you want the info that’s already out there, you’d already have searched and read it, right?

There’s too much advice out there for me to remember it all. I haven’t followed a lot of advice but I have tried to observe how other parents handle situations and then just do what seems right when its my turn.

Here are a few situations and how I did/would handle them:

-I’m pushing Lilie on the swing and another child comes and asks me to push him/her on the one next to Lilie. Is it rude to say ‘no?’ Would the parent want me to push their child? How familiar am I with the child? Is their parent nearby? Ok, I’m one of those people that over analyzes things. Generally, if its another small child Lilie’s age (three or four-years-old), I push them. Probably not anyone any older.

-Lilie is trying to go down the slide but a kid keeps blocking the way by climbing up the slide backwards. Well, I don’t let Lilie do that, first of all. What do I do? I might let it go the first time. But if its persistent, I go over to the the child (while in action) and firmly, but politely, ask him to take turns and let the others slide down.

-If other children bring a toy or a ball, Lilie doesn’t pass it up on her radar. I try to put myself on the other side. We are supposed to teach our children to share, right? I allow Lilie to play with the toy, as long as no one else is, she treats it with care and the child isn’t in need of it at the time. I don’t think it would be fair for a parent to allow a child to bring a toy to a place full of children and then not allow the toy to be shared. I think this very situation should be more of a lesson in sharing.

-When Lilie is eating something and another child asks if they can have some, I always say ‘no’ and I always feel bad. Now, I know I just raved about sharing, but if you ask me, food is different. There are too many reasons not to share: food allergies, diet issues, digestion problems, routines. I know if I just have problems making Lilie eat her meals, I sure don’t want anyone giving her snacks. I don’t want to take a chance on causing any problems, and I think this one could be serious.

Ok, so I’ve shared four scenarios and how I, personally, have/would handle them. But like I said in a previous post about dealing with other children, it’s really a judgment call. It’s hard to draw out a black and white line for right and wrong because there are so many different parenting styles.

So, here’s my advice when it comes to playground etiquette: just stay calm, and try to make your best decision. Put yourself in the other parent’s shoes. What would you want someone to do when dealing with your child?

To sum everything up, I want to leave you with a great quote I found. This woman seems to word it best:

“The Mommy Code. If I’m standing near the slide and a little guy gets scared and needs help down, I’ll help him. You’d help him, too. If I see some big kids being rough or wild near a little kid, I’ll say: “Hey dudes! Remember there are little guys around, OK?” So why is it there are some people who will see a kid fall off a swing and just stand there, dispassionately observing, like “Hmmm… Interesting… It fell down and now it cries…” Seriously? You’re a mom. Do the right thing, woman.”
-Lydia B.
Rants from Mommy

What about you and your neck of the woods? How would you describe the playground etiquette you’ve observed in your area? What are some do’s and don’ts you abide by?