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Happy (Crazy) Mother’s Day!

Wow…Mother’s Day number two for me. It’s pretty crazy…only a few years ago, I was student teaching (and NOT enjoying myself, by the way), worrying about lesson plans and graduating. Sometimes I just can’t even believe that in the past couple of years I’ve gotten married, moved to Texas, had a baby, and moved back to Nebraska. Now, when I call my mom and tell her “Happy Mother’s Day,” she says it back to me.

That, folks, is weird.

This Mother’s Day has me reflecting on the past year of Mommyhood. Something I’ve realized is that on past Mom’s Days, I haven’t really had any idea what I was recognizing my mom for. Sure, I know she changed my diapers and gave me baths and listened to me scream…but after this year, all the things my mom has done for me have become much more real.

Time for a list, friends. Here are a few things your mom has probably done for you that you might not be aware of:

1. Your mother was most likely a very smelly person.
Now, please, don’t think I’m insulting your mom. What I’m saying here is that chances for bathing can sometimes become scarce. Sure, you could leave the baby in the play-pen…but sometimes you’d rather smell like feet than listen to 10 minutes worth of screaming.

2. Your mom probably got mistaken for a crazy lady.
When you’ve got a little person hanging around you all the time, you do a lot of talking. I personally narrate a lot of what I’m doing. “Mommy’s just going to get these eggs boiling…” And when you have those rare moments when you’re actually by yourself, let’s say in Target or the grocery store, it’s a little difficult to kick the habit. “Oooh, Cadbury eggs are 75% off! Mommy’s pretty excited about that!” I can’t tell you how many people have looked at me like I’m a lunatic.

3. Your dear mother may have developed the eating habits of a homeless person.
Because, let’s face it, the kitchen floor is mostly clean (it’s only been trampled by family feet, so that makes it okay), and we’re not too good to eat the pulled pork you just tossed onto the floor.

4. But most importantly, your mom loved the living crap out of you.
Because she did, and that’s all there is to it.

So the next time you see a Hallmark card spouting whimsical prose about how much your mom has done for you…you should probably still give it to her, but make sure you tell her how much you appreciate all her years of acting like a total weirdo.

By the way, Mom, I love you, and thanks for acting like a lunatic for me.

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Home is What You Make It

This picture doesn’t have much to do with this post, other than I took it at my parents’ house and it’s just super cute.
Anyway…
This has been (and still is) a pretty crazy week. We moved to a new apartment, Paul’s gone on a work trip, and I’m chillin’ at my parents’ house. By “chillin” I mean chasing a 13 month old baby around their tile-floored, stair-filled house. Don’t get me wrong, I love being here, it’s just not as relaxing as a small, baby-proofed apartment.
That being said, I have to admit that our current apartment is definitely not relaxing right now. Charlie and I left a very cluttered, box-ridden apartment on Friday, and although Paul did a lot of organizing after we left, the boxes are still there, and I’m sure the place feels like a not-so-disturbing but still-unpleasant episode of Hoarders.
Although I’m not happy about leaving our new apartment in disarray (I’ve recently begun to understand why my parents made us clean the house before leaving for vacation), I’m glad I got to take a break from moving-stress and visit the most home-like place I know right now. Mom and Dad have done a serious amount of remodeling, but it still feels like home and my brain is (a little) more at rest simply by being here.
One of my long-time foes has been home-decorating. There have been a couple apartments/houses I’ve lived in where I did an okay job of nesting, but most of my previous living spaces looked like I should have been eating Ramen every day and wearing flip-flops in the shower. Our last two apartments can be included in the Ramen category.
Hold the phone here…Aren’t I married? Don’t I have a child? I thought that a well-decorated and comfortable home just came along with marriage and children like a package deal…right?
Apparently not.
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this yet, but I’m not a big fan of how our new apartment looks. We only have two windows and the carpet looks like poop. Oh, yeah. Brown, splotchy, 1986 poop.

So here’s my newest mission: strategic, well-planned decorating (and serious organization) for our new home. If I’m spending my days living and working here, I need to be pleased with my surroundings, no matter what size or shape it is.

Looking around my parents’ house has given me a few things to remember while I decorate our apartment:

1. Mom and Dad have remodeled their house to be exactly the way they want it…We may not be able paint or knock out walls, but we can definitely put forth the effort and save the money to make our apartment exactly the way we want it.
2. My parents’ house is filled with windows and light and I just love it…Whatever we do in here, it’s got to make the place feel lighter.
3. In the future, I would love to have a house as big as Mom and Dad’s…but after this last week of chasing Charlie around it, I’m actually pretty thankful for our 650 square feet.
4. And finally, even if for some reason I never get anything on the walls, Paul and Charlie are better than any decorations, so I’m already way ahead.

So here’s to simplification, beautification, and organization! If you guys have any awesome resources or apartment decorating ideas, I would be thrilled to know about them!

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A Confession

This is a confession.

I have always had a hard time with friendship.

It’s not that I can’t make friends…and it’s not that I can’t keep friends… It’s just never been something that came easily for me.

In high school, I hadn’t really decided on who I was yet. That always makes friendship difficult. When you aren’t sure of your own values, how can you possibly be sure of what you look for in your friends? The friend-base I had fluctuated quite a bit…Some friends hurt me, some made decisions I didn’t agree with. I eventually learned not to rely on them.

Let me clarify a little here… When I say ‘friends’, I’m talking about besties. You know, everyone talks about their best friends in high school. The ones they spent every day with…braided each other’s hair in study hall, blah, blah, blah. Not me. I had plenty of friends, sure. I just didn’t have anyone I completely trusted. I can’t even tell you how many of those broken-in-half-best-friend-necklaces I went through.

So, I quickly learned to put my social trust elsewhere…the ever-present boyfriend. Everything seemed to revolve around whether I had a boyfriend or not. I take that back…everything seemed to revolve around which boyfriend I had at the time. For some wacko reason I thought that the boyfriend basket was the one that deserved all my eggs.

And by eggs I mean figurative eggs in a figurative basket. Not…well…my eggs. Yuck.

All of these factors led to a pretty terrible friendship-related experience in college. Long story short, my lack of definable personality and social value-system (and, let’s face it, jelly-spine) allowed me to be completely ‘mind-effed’ by a very toxic, very manipulative roommate. I’m incredibly lucky to have gained a second chance at friendship with someone I thought was a long-gone casualty of this crappy time in my life, and I couldn’t be more grateful.

Somehow, out of all of this, I managed to come out of college with some very solid, very wonderful besties. And I’ve finally been able to put my finger on the main quality that made these amazing ladies stick:

Understanding.

I know that my friends will understand when I can’t hang out, or talk on the phone, or have to cancel last minute. They understand that this is Life, and we can’t always have a good explanation for it.

Sometimes, understanding means that you’re going to take a significant break from each other. Months and years may pass, but when you’ve got the right friends, it’s only a break. When the time is right you’ll always come back, one of you carrying a bottle of wine, the other carrying a game of MarioKart.

Friends sometimes go through periods where they have to travel very different paths. This is an area I’m currently having a hard time dealing with when it comes to understanding. The path I’m on right now is one that involves (but is not limited to) working from home, being married, and having a baby. Not all of my friends are traveling down this particular road with me, and that can be hard.

I have to come to terms with the fact that not all of my friends have babies and, consequently, have different priorities.
I have to remember that friends get busy, just like I get busy, and that we can’t always talk as much as I want.
I have to remember that they are understanding of me, and that I need to be understanding in return.

But mostly,
I have to remember that my friends will always be there for me when it’s most important.

Like I said, friendship hasn’t always been an easy thing for me, and at this time in my life I’m finally able to be grateful for that. The ones who managed to stick with me while I discovered who I am (and also that happiness does not, in fact, rest solely on who you’re dating) are amazing gifts, and I hope to present them with the same understanding that they’ve given me all these years.

Am I the only one who struggles with this? I’d love to hear you guys’ thoughts.

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Dollars Like . . . Margaritas and Cappuccinos

After about a week long sabbatical, it’s time again for talkin’ about money.

A quick update: The Bonk household is soon changing locations! On Friday, we will be hauling all of our belongings to an apartment that is slightly smaller but $50 a month cheaper than the one we are living in now. What I’m really excited about, though, is how well we have (so far) financially handled this moving situation. The last few times we’ve moved, we just designated an obscure amount of money to moving and hoped it would work out. This time, we looked ahead, realistically decided that we’d probably end up dining out when we’re moving, and started saving up a specific amount of money for our transition. Now, here we are, the week of the move, and we have a healthy amount saved up. This may seem like small potatoes to some people, but for us, it means confidently spending money we know we have, and that’s a pretty big deal for the Bonks. Progress, friends, progress!

Isn’t it funny how a lot of us have a “cross-your-finers-and-pray” attitude towards spending our money? I don’t think I’m the only person out there who has written a check, crossed my fingers, and prayed that it didn’t clear before I ran home, got online, and moved some money around to make it work. I will be the first to admit that Paul and I were completely ignorant (…maybe lazy? Both?) in how we took care of and spent our money. We needed a way to uncross our fingers. Badly.

We found our solution in the “Envelope System.” The envelope system is nothing fancy. It literally involves two things: envelopes and cash. Well, I guess we used a Sharpie, so, three things. You can actually buy a fancy-schmancy envelope system from Dave Ramsey, but we stuck with plain old envelopes. The idea behind the envelope system is simple and logical; you never spend money you don’t have. You :

1. Decide how much money you want to spend on a category.
2. Take that amount out of your paycheck in cash.
3. Place said cash in appropriate envelope.
4. Spend cash as needed.
5. Know that when the envelope is empty, you’re done buying things in that category.

For example, we put $150 in our food envelope every two weeks. If it’s Wednesday of that second week and the food envelope is empty, we have to (Heaven forbid!) Dig through our cupboards and actually use that box of Zatarain’s dirty rice that’s been staring at us since we bought it.

Guess what? That dirty rice was pretty good and we didn’t throw off our checking account balance; all because we buckled down a little.

Using envelopes doesn’t mean you have to suffer. It means you have to plan things out. When you plan things out, you don’t overspend.

When we’re working the envelopes into our budget, we simply add them as categories to our spreadsheet. Things such as Gas, Laundry Quarters, Groceries, and Allowance usually end up in the ‘Envelopes’ category. Here’s a better example than the last one:

Whoah. That’s huge. Oh, well.

As you can see, our mystery-example-person has not changed her priorities, but she has gotten more organized. When she deposits her check at the bank, she deposits $200.00 into her checking account for rent, and takes out $100 (four $20’s and two $10’s) in cash.

Though this cash is going toward terrible habits, she will not be getting overdraft fees because of them.

This system seems simple…and it is. It has helped keep our frivolous spending under control, as well as act as a reminder of how much money we actually have.

Hopefully these explanations are making sense… If something is confusing, please comment and let me know! (Please comment anyway; I looove comments!)