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Kick Passive Aggressive Pam Right On Out of the Party

I have neither ranted nor raved in awhile, and I think it’s about time.

It can be difficult to recognize a passive aggressive force in your life. They can be sucking positive energy from you for years before you catch onto them. Once you do recognize their energy-sucking powers, however, it’s time to get the frick rid of them. I’ve got a definition for you:

passive-aggressive: adj, of or relating to a personality that harbors aggressive emotions while behaving in a calm or detached manner.

We all have some passive-aggressive moments, and I’ll get to that. It’s the people, however, who simply are passive-aggressive by nature that we need to cut out of the picture. I’ve got plenty of stories that involve passive-aggressive people, and I would love to go on and on about them, but this blog is not about singling people out (unless you’re ananonymous-texting asshat). This blog (usually) is about bettering myself, and hoping others are interested in doing the same.

So, how can you recognize passive-aggressive behavior?
Just log onto Facebook.
Facebook is interesting. It’s got the “status” option. This means you can post something about someone, call it a general musing, but know full well said person (and the rest of the world) can see it. Has this happened to me? Yes. Am I being passive-aggressive about it? No, and I’ll tell you why.
The antidote to passive-aggressive behavior is honesty.
When you try to contact someone directly, and get ignored, you’ve done all you can do…other than blog about it and get it out of your system.

How else can you recognize passive-aggressive behavior?
Gauge your general feelings.
Do you feel like a big pile of crap, even though this person told you “It’s okay, I’ll just do it myself.”? If, in fact, the person was really meaning to say, “Hey, I need help with this, and no one else is available…I know you probably don’t want to, but I’d really, really appreciate it,” they’re being passive-aggressive.
The act of simply saying what you mean can avoid hurt feelings, tense atmospheres, and misunderstandings. Hurt feelings are not something to ignore. Hurt feelings bubble and boil till they explode like a victim in a Bones episode.

So, I’ve babbled on about passive-aggressive behavior. What’s my point to all this? If you’ve got people who constantly rely on this form of behavior to interact with others, cut them out. You don’t need that negative ju-ju.
What I really want to hammer home, however, is that we need to recognize passive-aggressive behavior in ourselves, and kick it the hell out of town.
I know I’m guilty of it. Here’s a scenario:

Paul: Hey honey, is okay if I go play frisbee tomorrow?
Lauren: …
Paul: So, no?
Lauren: That’s fine.

Ding, ding, ding! That’s me, being passive-aggressive. Why don’t I just say, “Dearest husband, I love you. You are the handsomest in all the land, and I had plans to snuggle you into submission tomorrow…because you are roguishly handsome, and oh, so, snuggleable…I would much rather you stay here and snuggle than go play frisbee.”

It may seem harmless, but I know it frustrates Paul when I do it. He does it to me, too. We all do it…and it’s just something that adds stress. When you come right out and say something, it may not always be pleasant, but it’s definitely honest. That’s the important part.

I’ve done my best not to make this post in itself be passive-aggressive, but let me offer this: if I’ve acted like this in the past, and hurt someone’s feelings because of it, I welcome the opportunity to make it right. Please shoot me an email, and we’ll deal with it there.

For everyone else, just do me a solid and keep this in mind for all your future interactions, and I’ll try to do the same.

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The Beauty of a Routine

Miraculous things are happening around here.

No, I don’t have any pictures up yet…the walls are still bare and there are still things we need to buy to make our home feel complete.

But.

Charlie has gone to sleep before 10:00 five nights in a row.

Our choice to co-sleep has presented us with a little bit of a conundrum.

Yes, that means we sleep in the same bed as Charlie, and no, we haven’t crushed him. I know there is a huge controversy on this subject, and I’m sure many of you reading this will not agree with our decision. Please know that we’ve got our reasons behind this choice, and we’ve been doing it intentionally and safely.
What this means, however, is that the option of training Charlie into a bedtime isn’t nearly as easy for us. We don’t have a crib that will contain him. If we tried to lay him down in bed and then go about our business, he’d walk out and look at us like we were poor, stupid children.

There is hope, though. With Paul going back to school, we have had no choice but to start working on a routine. The last 3 months in our old apartment turned us into a lazy, unorganized, emotionally scattered family. Things are going to be very different this time around.

Our new apartment is quite close to some very nice parks. Charlie and I have started going to these parks once a day, and the difference has been spectacular. We play for about an hour and half and by the time we get home, he’s ready to have a snack and take a nap. I know this may seem like an obvious solution, but the park next to our old apartment wasn’t great, and we just didn’t do this every day.

We used to just let Charlie tell us when he’s ready for a bath, but sometimes that wouldn’t happen till 9:45, 10:00.
As it turns out, Charlie’s always ready for a bath. We just have to put forth the suggestion.

So, with a “Charlie, do you want a bath?” Charlie’s off like a shot, knocking on the bathroom door, ready to jump in the tub fully clothed at about 8:30. (I might mention here that while one of us is monitoring the bath, the other is sweeping and vacuuming…nice, huh?) After some cartoon/drying-off/snuggle time, Charlie’s ready for bed.

And it’s beautiful. And I’m slightly terrified of this routine falling apart.

The thing about a routine is, though, that you’re supposed to be able to come back to it…even if you have a change in schedule. That’s what we need to work on mentally. Just because things were different for a few days (vacation, family visiting, etc…), it doesn’t mean you can’t jump right back in to what you were doing previously. You just have to accept that things were different for a bit, and there’s no reason why you can’t hop back on the horse.

So, yeah. I’m working on that.

Have you guys had any routine revelations? Something that works well? Better yet, if you’re co-sleeping, do you have any suggestions?

A quick note…
I wrote this last week, and since then, we’ve had a schedule change, a couple of 10:30 nights, and are finally back to normal. It’s good to know that it’s possible to get back on track!

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Guest Post Awesomeness!

I wasn’t able to line up a guest-poster this week (if you’re interested in guest-posting, click the “email” button and shoot me an email!), but lucky for me, I’m getting featured as a guest-poster on Momaha.com today! I’m SUPER pumped about this, and the editor, Veronica, could not have picked a more perfect picture for my post. Go on over, look around, and please leave comments so I seem like a popular lady!

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A Wallpaper Problem

I’ve got a wallpaper problem.

There have been worse wallpaper problems, I assure you. Horrid borders, nesting comfortably beneath the ceiling…fluffy animals with pink bows around their necks…old 70’s damask that is just too ugly to even be considered retro-chic…

This problem is an ivy problem. Quietly covering the walls of our kitchen, the vine in the Autumn of its life, with a few red leaves mingled in with the green…forever dooming this room of food into a state of obvious renting.

Could we paint? Maybe. Would we have to return the walls to their original state? More than likely.

Is there a way to diffuse the ivy using super-crafty methods?

That’s what I’m asking you guys.

Here are a few pictures of our kitchen (please pardon the picture quality):

It’s a fabulous kitchen, especially for an apartment. There’s ample room for a table and chairs, plenty of counter space, and boatloads of storage…now if only I could get it to lookas fabulous as it feels, I would be a super-happy lady.

I know I’ve got some of the craftiest of the crafty out there. Please help me! Let your suggestions wash over me like a fashionable (yet easy-to-pull-off) tide.