That’s why I started this blog in the first place. After about 6 months of new motherhood, I felt like I was in a rut…like I was losing my previous place in the world, and that I needed to find a new one. Blogging opened up a new channel in which I could express myself, as well as preserve a piece of that former Lauren before she drifted off into obscurity.
As I say that, I realize it sounds like I regret my current place in life; I don’t. I think that every person who decides to open a new chapter in their life feels a sense of quiet mourning for the version of themselves that is getting left behind. For me, getting married (and even more so, having a baby) was absolutely a new chapter. I was faced with the experience of having to say goodbye to the Lauren I had cultivated in college…which is when I really feel I came into my own. Being around people who liked the same things, didn’t care what kind of clothing I was able to afford, and were accepting of whatever I wanted to be allowed me to grow into the confident person I was destined to become. I had finally reached a point where I was comfortable with almost everything.
And then came Paul.
The second I saw him walk into that room, I felt something happening. I didn’t know what, exactly, but things were changing. I was feeling a pull toward somebody like I’d never felt before, and it was fairly obvious that my universe was about to get knocked out of its routine orbits.
And, soon after that, I was saying another goodbye to a version of myself.
The thing about “goodbye” is that it almost always leads to a new “hello.” And that hello is usually a good one…whether you realize it at the time or not. I knew that saying hello to a married life was going to be a good thing…I just didn’t know how good.
What all of this boils down to is that I’m feeling a hello/goodbye coming soon to my blog. I’ve been feeling stagnant. A quiet, nagging feeling of discontent has lately been getting louder…I’ll catch myself wishing I were more like other bloggers…wishing I could do it better.
This tells me it’s time for a reevaluation. Over the next couple of months, I’m giving myself a new purpose…which I think is the key I’ve been missing. I’ve been floating by, trying to keep my head above water, without giving myself much by way of creative goals. This blog needs some active attention, and I’m going to do some soul-searching and revamping. Who knows, you may not even notice the changes…but I will, and that’s what counts.
I’ve been feeling the itch to return to some of the creative things I used to love… I mentioned awhile back that I wanted to start writing a novel. My brain’s started on it, but my fingers haven’t gathered up the courage yet to start typing. Those fingers have, however, started drawing again. I used to be pretty good at it…back in junior high. So, a couple days ago, after about an hour and a half of sketching and erasing, I had cranked out something small but decent, and I’ve decided to call it a success.
My request of you guys is this; please bear with me. I might not be so frequent in posting, but hopefully it will be because I’m busily working on a project that will help me get on schedule in the long run. Also, if you’ve got comments, complaints, requests…please let me know.
Both the current and future versions of me would greatly benefit from them.