You know how you watch movies and read books, and for the most part, the main goal is to reach your “happily ever after” in your mid-20’s and then the story ends?

I’m grappling with this. Not romantically, but with creativity in general. Sometimes I worry that I’ve missed my creative peak… like for me to have created anything exciting and passionate and valuable, I should have done it when I was in my mid-20’s, when I was actually experiencing things that were (traditionally and in my media-tainted brain’s sense) actually exciting and passionate.

And then, in swoops the domestic disclaimer: Not that what I do now isn’t exciting and passionate. Not that I don’t experience excitement and passion watching my family grow and reach milestones and achieve goals. Not that I’m discounting or regretting what I do now. Not that not that not that…

Not that I don’t love the choices that have led me to my now. I do love them, and I do love my now.

But. But I know that there’s more to my now that I can achieve, and I feel like I’ve finally gotten the right inspiration. There was a click and I heard it, loud and clear. I know that, despite my mostly practical appearance and very basic home décor and super-disgusting bathroom, I need extravagant beauty and lush fantastical emotion and I need that in fiction. I thrive on fiction and stories that could exist in another time, another dimension, another reality, and regardless of the fact that they’re not technically, in the most tangible of ways real… I need to create them. It will make my now more real to have done so.

I shouldn’t need a domestic disclaimer: Wanting more doesn’t make me discontent with what I have. I think that wanting more is, in fact, my creative “happily ever after.” Hope that there’s always more is what I need to carry on and breathe. Resources may run out and headlines may get more terrifying, but there’s beauty in the world and in my imagination and knowing that it’s there if I truly need it is deeply comforting.

Although, I totally recognize that I should probably clean my bathroom. That, too, might make my now a little more aesthetically pleasing.