WARNING: I’m about to drop an F-Bomb. Just so you know. Only one, though. Promise.

So, this has been bothering me for awhile now. I’m sure most of you are pretty aware of the term “FML.” If you’re not, (sorry, Grandma…) it means “fuck my life.” And I HATE it. It’s predominantly an internet term (phrase?), but people text it and say it and it just makes me angry.

I know, I know. I love my self-deprecating, sarcastic humor just as much as the next person, but this one really pokes my bear. As much as I want to rant and rave without any kind of organized fashion, I will fight the urge, and lay it out for you:

There are a few different categories of FML:

1. Self-inflicted
2. Really. Really?
3. Okay, yeah, that sucks, but still…

If you go to the website www.fmylife.com, you will find many stories people have submitted that they feel are worthy of the label “FML.” I’m not sure if this site is the origin of the term or simply a perpetuation of it, but either way, it’s party central. Super Lame-O Pity Party Central, that is.

The most predominant and, in my opinion, unforgivable style of FML is the “self-inflicted”FML. Here is a (paraphrased) example:
“Today, my female significant other broke up with me via text. She is sitting in the same seat as me on a long car trip, and we still have a few hours to go. FML.”

Okay, buddy. First of all, what did you do to make her dump you? Secondly, and more importantly, whose fault is it that your relationship has become so technodependent that this chick is Dear John-texting you? Yours. And hers. Not your Life’s. Your Life has been busy providing you with plenty of opportunities to communicate like an actual human being. Next!

The next kind of FML is just, well, stupid. I file these in the “Really. Really?” section. Things like (and though I’m paraphrasing, I’m not making it up):
“Today, I called my out-of-state parents to see if they would use their credit card to order me a pizza. They said no. FML.”

Really. Really?
No, but seriously. Really!?
Obviously, this FML doesn’t warrant too much confusion on why it’s stupid. I could say a lot of things, but what I will say is that if that were my son, I’d pay for a plane ticket to get to his house as fast as I could and slap him across the face with a piece of pizza. And then I’d eat it in front of him. Moving on…

This last FML, filed in the “Okay, yeah, that sucks, but still…” section, is a little different. Time for an example:
“Today, I got home to find my apartment broken into and completely ransacked. All of my furniture and valuables were gone. FML.”

Okay, so, yeah. That really sucks…however…let’s check a few things. A) Are you still alive? B) Do you still have family and/or friends who love you? C) Is the robber still in your apartment? (You should probably check this one first, now that I think about it…)

If the answers to these questions are, “Yes, yes, no,” then I’d say rather than “F-ing” you, your life is doing a pretty good job of taking care of you. Maybe you should get off the internet and try to figure out how you’re going to clean up your current situation.

Not to get all Debbie Downer here, but what really bothers me is this: In a culture where suicide is running rampant among younger and younger demographics, treating life as something that is not only casual and trivial, but aggressively trying to screw you over, is just plain dangerous. Instead of actively pursuing ways to make life more fulfilling or even just tolerable, people are running to their computers or phones to whine to the entire universe about how they are flippantly taking their lives for granted. This is not a healthy trend. So I say “F-it.” FFML.